![]() The same unwritten rules are in play on the horizontal: put others’ needs before yours, be liked, be nice, and don’t make people mad. In other words, the pressure to be a “good girl” doesn’t evaporate when a girl lies down. It’s about what they think someone else thinks they should be like in order to be wanted, as opposed to focusing on their own wanting, or the lack thereof.” Girls, she says, “are still focused on sex being for someone else’s pleasure, and not for themselves and what they want, and how they feel. ![]() That girls would risk the loss of their own sexual pleasure in to appear attractive to others doesn’t surprise Deborah Tolman, professor of psychology at the City University of New York, whose research has found that girls regularly ignore their own sexual needs in favor of (often male) partners. ![]() Parents often teach boys the correct terms for their genitals, yet neglect to do the same for girls.īut this “cosmetic” procedure can do much more than change appearance labiaplasty, as it is known, can cause loss of sexual sensation, numbness, pain or scarring. Yet many girls are taught to believe that female genitalia is “dirty and dangerous and disgusting,” says Nagoski. On the one hand, they live in a culture oversaturated by sex – girls see thousands of references to sex each year on television, and girls on screen are four times more likely to be portrayed in a sexual manner than boy characters. Long before they know what porn even is, girls hear confusing messages about their genitalia. “Girls are worried about feeling rejected or ashamed,” Martinez said. Not surprisingly, many girls come to believe there is something wrong with their bodies. Meanwhile, boys who use porn to learn about female genitals may recoil when they actually encounter them in real life, damaging a girl’s sexual self-worth. ![]() “That’s happening in the absence of any education from their parents, or any sort of positive from their parents about the shape of their vulvas.” Emily Nagoski, author of Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life and Director of Wellness at Smith College. “When girls watch pornography, they see a very limited range of what other people’s bodies look like,” said Dr. ![]()
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